This article of my faith I must of
necessity believe, whether I will or no; for if I could not believe it to be
true, I should therefore have the more cause to believe it to be so; because,
unless my heart was naturally very sinful and corrupt, it would be impossible
for me not to believe that which I have so much cause continually to bewail; or,
if I do not bewail it, I have still the more cause to believe it; and therefore
am so much the more persuaded of it, by how much the less I find myself affected
with it. For certainly I must be a hard-hearted wretch indeed, steeped in sin,
and fraught with corruption to the highest, if I know myself so oft to have
incensed the wrath of the most high God against me, as I do, and yet not be
sensible of my natural corruption, nor acknowledge myself to be by nature
a child of wrath, as well as others. For I verily believe, that the want of such
a due sense of myself argues as much original corruption, as murder and whoredom
do actual pollution. And I shall ever suspect those to be the most under the
power of that corruption, that labour most by arguments to divest it of its
power.
And therefore, for my own part, I am
resolved, by the grace of God, never to go about to confute that by wilful
arguments, which I find so true by woful experience. If there be not a bitter
root in my heart, whence proceeds so much bitter fruit in my life and
conversation? Alas! I can neither set my head nor heart about anything, but I
still shew myself to be the sinful offspring of sinful parents, by being the
sinful parent of a sinful offspring: nay, I do not only betray the inbred venom
of my heart, by poisoning my common actions, but even my most religious
performances also, with sin. I cannot pray, but I sin; I cannot hear, or preach a sermon, but I sin; I cannot give an alms, or receive the sacrament, but I sin;
nay, I cannot so much as confess my sins, but my very confessions are still
aggravations of them; my repentance needs to be repented of, my tears want
washing, and the very washing of my tears needs still to be washed over again
with the blood of my Redeemer. Thus not only the worst of my sins, but even the
best of my duties, speak me a child of Adam. Insomuch that whensoever I reflect
upon my past actions, methinks I cannot but look upon my whole life, from the
time of my conception to this very moment, to be but as one continued act of
sin.
And whence can such a continued
stream of corruption flow, but from the corrupt cistern of my heart? And whence
can that corrupt cistern of my heart be filled, but from the corrupt fountain of
my nature? Cease therefore, O my soul, to gainsay the power of original sin
within thee, and labour now to subdue it under three. But why do I speak of my
subduing this sin myself? Surely this would be both an argument of it, and an
addition to it. It is to thee, O my God, who art both the searcher and cleanser
of hearts, that I desire to make my moan! It is to thee I cry out in the
bitterness of my soul. O
wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Who Shall? Oh! who can do it, but
thyself? Arise thou, therefore, O my God, and shew thyself as infinitely
merciful in the pardoning, as thou art infinitely powerful in the purging away
my sins.